Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Step 3: Preparing Yourself

There are many things you should take upon yourself to prepare for The Singularity. An unfortunate fact is that scientists know next to nothing about The Singularity, however many basic preparations are just common sense, which is where we come in. But how can I prepare for The Singularity, you ask. Good question. Preparation for The Singularity takes many forms; you must prepare physically, mentally, domestically, sexually, and technologically.

Physical preparation
Unlike the average man, robots are made of metallic alloys and silicon and are as strong as ten men. In the post-The Singularity world, you may find yourself pinned under a mound of fallen robots, the wake of man's last offensive against our cold, computing foes.

This is why, you should meet the following physical specs:
Bench: 300 lbs
Squat: 375 lbs
Pull ups: 300 lbs
Meditation: 70 minutes
Fast swimming: 5 miles (above water) / 300 feet (below water - this could be very important)
Mixed Martial Arts: Second Degree Blackbelt
Archery: Spectacular
Trap/Skeet: Olympic skill level

Mental Preparation
Computers are master logicians (masters of logic); likewise, you must learn to reason without error. Robots are very likely to attempt using logic against you, likely with riddles and mind puzzles.

Get used to practicing logic puzzles in intensely stressful situations: on a rollercoaster, a child's birthday party, an air traffic control station. You and a partner should practice sending computers into recursive loops using logical paradoxes such as the Barber's Paradox (no man can cut his own hair unless he doesn't cut his own hair) and the Have You Told Your Parents You're Not A Computer Yet Paradox (damned either way!). This will cause your foes to waste their time eating computing cycles when you fight them with your knowledge of magnetism (see Step 2).

Domestic Preparation
Your survival bunker could very easily be your home for the next 1024 years, so it is essential it is stocked with many amenities and weapons and foods to eat. Here's a list:
  • Carbohydrates
  • Proteins
  • Water bladders (clean)
  • Fruit seeds for a new beginning
  • Gas mask
  • Pump 12-gauge shotguns
  • Butters
  • Art
  • Literature (NO science fiction; no point)
  • Fishing gear
  • Night-vision goggles
  • Space blankets
  • Ordinary blankets
  • Bunks
  • Pocket knife
  • Manuals
  • Journal/Log (not a diary!)
Sexual Preparation
It will be up to YOU to repopulate after The Singularity has killed our old children. Ensuring you eat large amounts of protein and explain to others why it essential for the continuation of our species that your frequently reproduce will be the difference between survival and death. There are no social norms after The Singularity. Sex will no longer be for pleasure, it will be chillingly procedural.

Technological Preparation
First rule: keep it Bronze Age or earlier! What does this mean? It means a lot of alloys, swords, steam power, gears, old-fashioned clockwork, pulleys and other simple machines (SIMPLE!!!). Solar power and a knowledge of coal will help much, but your focus should be on stopping electricity once and for all. Befriending a blacksmith now might be a sound investment of your time and energy, however do not neglect your primary task of preparing your bunker and physical fitness.

These guidelines should get you started, however there is still much to do, and conceivably no time. Get to work, and start lifting.

1 comment:

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