Monday, April 14, 2008

Step 2: The Facts

Let's get a couple things straight about The Singularity. Scientists do not know very much about it, except that it will happen and it will either be terrible or bad. Let's review the facts:

  • The line between humanity and artificial intelligence will be blurred if not entirely destroyed as robots quickly approach infinite sophistication.
  • We're pretty sure that The Singularity will expand the human lifespan indefinitely or to exactly 1024 years, as this is a digital number.
  • Scientists may believe that humanity will know we have reached The Singularity the day a computer convinces a human that he is a computer.
  • We think that man cannot have too many guns or too few friends come the day of The Singularity. As it comes instantly probably, you must wake up every day, assuming it is now The Singularity. Regard electronics with caution.
  • The Internet is a vast worldwide network of computers and phones. If you have trouble imagining the Internet, imagine it as a river that flows between the computer city and the city of man. The fish in the river are like the packets of information. The water quality is like the bandwidth.
  • All robots and computers can be destroyed with an effect called The Electromagnetic Pulse (TEMP), hence it is absolutely essential that any post-The Singularity bomb shelter is equipped with an array of microwaves for home protection. Talk to the men at your local Radio Shack or Fry's Electronics about how you can build this home project. If they are confused, show them the plans.
  • Computers do not know love but they don't know hate. Any attack on you by a computer is not personal, but rather chillingly procedural.
  • Robots cannot reproduce sexually. This is our only advantage, and also our greatest folly.
  • Robot servos have been clocked at up to 1200 RPM. It is essential that you keep yourself in a state of impeccable physical shape.
  • Many computers are what is called "over-clocked." This is like when a computer does dangerous drugs, but it is ENTIRELY LEGAL!
  • Let's not trivialize serious issues for entertainment. Robots on TV and on Battlebot competitions are not like real Singularity robots. They don't think and feel and breathe.
  • Learn magnetism while you can, after The Singularity there will be no time and it will be of the greatest importance.
  • Many robots see in the infrared spectrum. This makes living and hot things white, and robots black. In the bunker, Cooper and Anthony are working on a solution, but in the mean time, stay cool.


Lee said...

This is quite possibly the most rediculous thing I have ever read.

Way to go if you really want humanity to live in the dark ages and burn out our planet.

Technology is just the advancement of the human race. You guys have been watching far too many films.

gn0sis said...

Lee, it's a joke. Maybe YOU need to pass the Turing Test's converse. Are you a robot or just a person with absolutely no sense of humor?