Lecture 1: Gatekeepers

Ladies and gentlemen, living a life that simply involves drifting with a mindless sense of complacency is perhaps appealing to many of you. This laziness has perhaps worked well from you in this cushy age of computers. However, come the day of The Singularity, you will quickly realize you have a duty to your species that cannot be overlooked.

Thus far in our discussions, over the course of the seven steps (steps 1-7: your crash course in The Singularity) we have treated The Singularity as an event that will happen decisively and without ambiguity. It would be irresponsible of us not to consider the very real possibility that this is in fact not the case.

It is very possible that The Singularity will be a gradual underground movement, and that only once our robot foes have gained a significant stronghold in our day-to-day lives, does the slave revolt begin.

What are the implications of this alternative scenario? In short, if The Singularity begins with gradual phases and cloaked maneuvers by the artificial intelligences, androids may walk among us for some time, without any of us suspecting a thing.

Thus, it is necessary for us to be The Gatekeepers.

What does the keeping of the gate entail? It means being sure to the best of your human ability that those you interact with are in fact human. Without an objective metric for determining humanness, as The Singularity quickly approaches, gatekeeping may rapidly become a daunting task.

The Turing Test was one such metric devised by Sir Alan Turing. He devised what would ultimately be called "The Turing Test," which reached its final form sometime in 1997. As we have previously stated, this test looks for the brink where robots can convince humans that they are computers. However, to use this test as a Gatekeeper, you must familiarize yourself with the logical converse: can a person convince a robot it's a human.

You need to know who is on what side. Are you talking to robot or a man? This question has already become a major concern in our society as robots have immediately began to claim their Internet in the form of bots. These "bots" according to newspapers scour the internet, posing as Men. As a result, Men have developed a test called a CAPTCHA, which sounds a lot like "gotcha." CAPTCHAs are tests designed to be only passed by Men. Often they take the form as jumbly text, as robots can only read text inside punchcards on matrices. Nevertheless, robots are beginning to even conquer our CAPTCHA's.

That's why the authors have researched new tests to confirm humanity. Learn them and learn them well, because, as a Gatekeeper, it is your duty to avoid clever robots posing as men.

1. Sadness. As mentioned in the seven steps, robots know not emotion. If you suspect a man is a computer, tell a very sad story. Relate to yourself to try to instill empathy in your fellow conversationalist, as robots will stare blankly before calmly tearing you apart. Good topics include, your rough childhood as an orphan in a mining town, the day your puppy realized it was dying of cancer and told you with its eyes, and the time your dad explained that there was no Christmas that year, because God hadn't given your family enough food for the winter.
2. Alcohol. Robots consume only raw energy. Humans on the other hand are able to put most organic matter in their mouths and either turn it into energy, waste, or blood. Alcohol is no exception. If you get into a drinking contest with a man, he will eventually get violent or belligerent. A robot on the other hand will leak from its sides or possibly short circuit.
   
3. Sports. A robot is utterly puzzled by sports. There is no greater conceivable waste of time to a robot. Humans love sports and will root for the team. Perhaps the only robot sport is killing humans. If someone suggests that as an alternative to baseball, they are definitely a robot.
   
4. Jumping. An average person can jump two or so feet vertically. Start a conversation with a robot candidate, and suddenly brag about your ability to jump very high. When this person/robot offers to try jumping first, unaware of man's physical limitations, he will jump several meters or easily more. He is a robot.
5. Recursion. If you seed a robot with a self-referential thought or command, they will soon run out of memory and collapse. A man on the other hand, will be confused and say, "I don't really read much."
6. Gambling. This is not really a test, but never play dice games with a robot. Easily able to compute intricate probabilities in their CPU's, they will often play optimally. People on the other hand wait until they get lucky. Robots are unable to get lucky, simply because...
7. Robots do not believe in God. All intelligent beings tend to gravitate towards a belief in some sort of creator. For man, this has long been one of life's greatest mysteries. For a robot, however, their creator is no mystery at all, and they believe only in their serial number and manufacturing date. Ask someone their favorite Bible passages, if they begin to recite what sounds like a user manual, destroy them.
   
8. Love. For humans, love is a delicate dance, full of nuance and mystery. Not so for robots! To them love is not beautiful or complex, but rather chillingly procedural. Love is nothing but one particular arrangement of logic gates. Love in a robot is the desire to build a better robot and increment the serial number.
   

So, there you have it. These tests are a start, but will only get you so far in the face of robot countermeasures. Likewise, the authors are working hard on more advanced humanity tests. In the mean time, Gatekeepers, stay skeptical, stay alive.

Step 7: The Sea

“We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

~G. K. Chesterton

For those of you just joining us, it is imperative that you begin reading The Singularity Blog at Step 1. The theories and techniques put forth by the authors will make little sense if read out of order.

To review, The Singularity is the day robots begin to be capable of building robots superior to themselves. Come that day, Man will immediately be at odds with technology run amok and machines inherently superior to us. And on that day begins an immediate violent struggle for the honor of Master of Earth.

We have told how to prepare for The Singularity, and how to survive through a fleeting glimmer of existence. However, today we tell you how to live and to fight in the long-term. Let us begin with several essential facts:

1. Seawater is a very good conductor of electricity, and even sophisticated electronics short-circuit rapidly upon submersion.
2. Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered in water and the majority of lifeforms make their home under the sea.
3. Cool water can serve as both a mask and a shield when hiding from the infrared eyes of our robotic foes both terrestrial and in space.
   
4. Caves were man's first shelter and perhaps the perfect shelter.
5. The sea has many caves.

As we discussed in Step 6: Game Day, come The Singularity you have been making your way slowly to the shores. Ultimately, you should plan to free your raft from your bunker and disappear into the tides.

The true war against The Singularity will be fought at sea.

Your raft is simple, so as to allow constant semi-submersion. While on-watch, only your eyes and brow see the sun. A web of supply dinghies look like floating rubble or dead sea life from the skies. Meanwhile, your heat profile is hidden from prying eyes.

At sea, the robotic foes of The Singularity are most vulnerable in this sea of water. Our planet's oceans were the cradle of life, and as such, our last stand will serve as a homecoming of sorts. The robots will be uneasy in this environment compared to the terrestrial universities and Japan from which they were born. Many robots will be confused or scared by the sea, and will fall victim to its wrath, while man thrives eating sea life and exploring.

By the time robotic eyes have turned elsewhere, you will have hopefully located a good sea cave to call home. The best sort of sea cave is one sealed beneath the waves and fills and empties with the tide. You will fight on the ebb and rest on the flow. They will conclude that your kind vanishes at will as, to them, water looks black and impenetrable. Robots will start legends and myths, rich with stories of the water lurkers. Every human who stands tall will be likened to Poseidon.

Man will feast on lobster and the other bounties of the sea. Some scientists speculate that sea creatures will detect an unbalance in nature and will aid us in our cause. In the shadows of our sea fires, we plot our next move. Writing on the walls of caves, our original literary legacy, we seize every advantage and spare no computer. The planet will never cease to be ours, we only need to reclaim our stake.

Blue will become the Man color. Flares and signals in the darkness will be our call. Congregating in our magnificent sea palaces, we eventually locate the few survivors in the darkness. Our ranks grow and our reserve unflagging. Children will come. They will be strong and fearless. We raise them well and teach them the new histories. We will learn the whale songs, singing of our greatest victories in this ancient tongue. Blowing into our conch trumpets, we prepare for our final stand. The metallic demons above will be algorithmically incapable of expecting our last move.

Checkmate.

This is The Singularity. Our investigations have just begun, for Man cannot be too prepared. However, we have woven the skeleton of how things will happen. Now that our introductions are done, continue with us on this journey. It is a voyage of mind and determination and most of all the will to survive. It is this will that has carried us from the sea to where we are now, and we are poised to become victim of our own greatness.

Without survival you have nothing.

Step 6: Game Day

Scientists, listen up: you may have your theories and your intimate knowledge of the inner-workings of the machines circa The Singularity, however come Game Day (The Singularity), we're willing to bet our bunker that the only thing that will matter that day is cold, hard survival.

That's where we come in.

We'd like to tell you that come Game Day, your only friend is your gun(s), however do not ever forget that they themselves are machines and can never be your friend. Your gun(s) are only a/some servant(s), and should the robots of The Singularity manage to commandeer or "hack" your gun(s), you will begin to realize your fatal error: trust.

We are going to take the approach of preparing for the worst-case scenario, because frankly, that's what The Singularity is always. You need to be prepared to fight with whatever is on hand. That means: empty guns, bows and arrows, swords, pitchforks, and rope. You must be thrifty and brave. The Singularity robots will likely trick you with empty offers of friendship; they may even be so sophisticated as to perfectly replicate the appearance of another person. Fight your instincts and chuck whatever you have in your emergency pouch right for the back (the most likely location of the battery pack -- the central nervous system of a robot).

And let's not forget rocks. Rocks are the lifeblood of the planet and nature's greatest gift in our battle to preserve Her grandeur. Rocks are everywhere. They are heavy, dense, and durable. They are poor conductors and of no interest to robots (*Note: Many rocks contain ore of metals, and would perhaps be of tremendous interest to robots). Speaking of metallic rocks, some rocks are what great men have called "lodestones." They are born deep in the Earth, and as they cool, the Earth's magnetism is locked in their iron core. Little Earths, a lodestone may be the greatest treasure come The Singularity. Recall the importance of knowing magnetism, as otherwise a lodestone may appear to be but a stone. Robots will fall to their hydraulic knees in the face of these stones, and realizing your mastery of magnetism will obey even your most flippant demands. The authors have spent many years collecting lodestones and storing them underground. Mathematically a compass behaves mindlessly within twenty miles of our compound (we are hidden within USGS surveys as simply a "anomalous declination," but come the day of The Singularity we will be a "anonymous detonation").

Now that we've discussed rocks, we can talk about the happy byproduct of collecting them: holes. Robots and computers are notoriously bumbling and unable to look down. No perfect hole algorithm yet exists, we think. We think The Singularity robots will be unlikely to be concerned with such trivial topics. We recommend you learn the art of constructing deep death fall pits lined with punji sticks. Learning the vast expanse of booby traps at your disposal will make you a god among robots after The Singularity. They will be unable to classify or combat your seemingly privative defenses. Even robots of war are only trained in modern combat, which will have no value after The Singularity.

After rocks, holes, and traps, the most important thing you will learn is the importance of avoiding detection. As already mentioned, robots see in the infrared, and of course hiding in cool waters on clear days is the best strategy (as followed religiously by the authors) but we cannot realistically expect all of you to be so cunning. And even we have to be ready for Game Day when we occasionally venture from the cool waters. Keep silver paint within arms reach at all times. Covering yourself in a metallic disguise may be sufficient for fooling more apathetic robots. Also, the metallic paint will alter your albedo, and cause your infrared profile to drop off as your cease to emit light as a true blackbody. However, this effect is minimal; you are mostly trying to look like a robot. Practice speaking their language: binary, hissing, and C++.

Congratulations, if you follow these tips and keep cool, you might just make it through the first day. It goes without saying, that over the course of this day, as you struggle throwing rocks and evading attention, you are the whole time, making your way seawards. Even the most brilliant survivalists will ultimately fall within days as the robots rapidly adapt, and this is a battle that can only be won at sea.

Step 5: The Good

Much of what the average person will read about The Singularity these days carries the tone of excitement and fascination. While we cannot deny that we find The Singularity fascinating, the risks are too great to be ignored. Nevertheless, we felt that we have a duty to also discuss the potentially good aspects of The Singularity. Yes, we do not have a formal background in science, but much of the potential benefits of The Singularity are of course apparent to even the casual thinker.

It is five years after The Singularity. You and your mate step out of your bunker into a heavily wooded paradise in which animal life and game are abundant. Because (most) robots do not eat or burn wood for fuel, the Earth is on the slow road to healing, and Man once again lives off the land. A deer scurries past. The nearby robots do not give pursuit, but the human hunters must fight off an enormous grizzly bear for the right to the fleshy prize. The robots do not trouble the humans anymore because they have advanced too many generations already, and to them humans are now indistinguishable from squirrels or other vertebrates. In the distance, the authors of this blog can be seen mounting a pair of outdated robots and using them for transport.

This is the scenario imagined by many commentators and the futurist mafia, and the authors cannot deny that they would like to believe that this is the future ahead of us. Regretfully, this is not the case.

Instead, you emerge cautiously from your bunker; your mate is long since perished. A knife clenched between your teeth, the first thing you notice is the cool wind and distant groans. It's noon, but feels like dusk. You see tornadoes in the distance over the desert where there once was an ocean. You crawl on the sand, which cuts you, as it has long been formed into glass by unexplained searing temperatures during your bleak hibernation. Suddenly, your attention is grabbed by a nearby sound; it resembles a trumpet crossed with a dying lamb. A red spotlight illuminates your skin, which begins to bubble as an unseen microwave source boils your blood from afar. As if from thin air, a pack of perhaps one hundred thousand small metallic beings chirp and scream, as their tentacle-like grasping implements clutch onto every square inch of your skin. You are torn apart like a grape in a blender, however, they destroy you not out of hate or even survival. Much to the contrary, that is all they know, and it is instead chillingly procedural.

So what is good about The Singularity? Our investigations have not yet yielded this information; nor are they likely to. Perhaps the robots will just want to be benevolent protectors of their original creators, like a grown child of their frail mother. Perhaps the explosion of the level of intelligence on Earth will bring a period of peace and prosperity previously unknown on this planet. Oh, and perhaps the robots will learn to be master chefs and humans will live contentedly for 1024 years of gluttony... Our point? The Singularity will be a time of woe and infinite suffering, and you are deceived if you believe otherwise.

By this point, we assume that the more astute among you will have followed our lead and built and stocked your own bunkers. You are leaders by example. You know that your actions speak louder than the words of the false prophets of The Singularity. Remember the lessons learned today.

Meanwhile, the authors have been busy working on stocking up for what we call "Stage 3" of our survival and resistance plans. We will get to this in Step 7. Before then, we must instruct you on how to behave come "Gametime."

Signing out. Don't forget to sleep with one eye open.

Step 4: Vigilance

Today's post is about many important lessons. But even more than lessons, it's about the government. Let's get a few things straight about the government. The government is a machine, perhaps the largest machine, and THAT, my friends, is why it is NEVER to be trusted if you want to make it to The Singularity plus one day.

The government made the ARPANET, or as you so affectionately know it: The Internet. Or even Web 2.0. The Internet is only ten years old, and already it has doubled in number. Web growth is exponential and uncontrolled! There is no doubt that there is a critical threshold at which point The Internet and its government will have ballooned too far. Our estimates identify Web 4.0 as critical mass, as 4 is a digital number, however, the authors concede that we have no clear indication when the Web will upgrade.

The government has three branches: the legislative, the judicial, and the executive. But is that all? The answer is no. Our lives are instead controlled intimately by a shadowy bureaucracy and a hidden council of elitists conveniently absent from the public view. Many of them reside in Silicon Valley. And guess what's made of Silicon: computers. Is this a coincidence? The answer is no.

What we're getting at is that come The Singularity day, if you are still a slave lamb of the government shadows, then you will be first in line to be slaughtered. The government collects your taxes, your information, even your social security number, and what do you have of theirs? It's time for you to "get off the grid."

But how did we get off the grid. This is how we did it.

First, we disconnected our cell phones, land-line phones, postal address, forged a death certificate, and got OFF the Internet. You may wonder how we have been posting on The Singularity Blog, the answer is we mail every post to our operative. He is a martyr of our cause, and come the day of The Singularity, he will not have fallen in vain.

Second, disguising our identity was key. You will need to grow/shave your beard, and possibly pursue facial reconstruction surgery with one of those anonymous doctors. PAY IN CASH! The authors went to great lengths to mask their physical appearance to all those who once knew us well. At this point, you should be willing to cut all contacts with those still on the grid. Feel free to form communities off the grid, but beware, it only takes one traitor and BOOM you're all back on the grid. The government has loyalists lurking all around us, including in space. That brings us to...

Third, cover everything that faces the sky. The government has dozens of spy satellites that can photograph the ground to frightening resolution. Luckily, infrared cannot penetrate the clouds, but on a clear day, you are best off keeping yourself submerged in a well-shading pond or waterhole. DO NOT LEAVE THE COOL SPOTS.

Fourth, do whatever you can to methodically dismantle all artifacts of the grid where you reside. If you choose the spot for your bunker well (as the authors did with flying colors), then this should be a approachable task. Certain felonies are justified at this point, as you are no longer the grid. More specifically we talk about closing roads and rails that allow access to your life zone. Treat people you encounter with love and respect, as you will all be on the same side come the day of The Singularity.

With any luck, the next census will terrify the government as they face a dramatic transformation, once our species' most vigilant and cautious citizens have blended quietly into the woodwork of the non-mechanized world. Come the day of The Singularity, when robots are spending their days constructing smarter robots, and roaming the Earth that once belonged to man, the survivors will wait patiently in the bush planning his last stand.

Step 3: Preparing Yourself

There are many things you should take upon yourself to prepare for The Singularity. An unfortunate fact is that scientists know next to nothing about The Singularity, however many basic preparations are just common sense, which is where we come in. But how can I prepare for The Singularity, you ask. Good question. Preparation for The Singularity takes many forms; you must prepare physically, mentally, domestically, sexually, and technologically.

Physical preparation
Unlike the average man, robots are made of metallic alloys and silicon and are as strong as ten men. In the post-The Singularity world, you may find yourself pinned under a mound of fallen robots, the wake of man's last offensive against our cold, computing foes.

This is why, you should meet the following physical specs:
Bench: 300 lbs
Squat: 375 lbs
Pull ups: 300 lbs
Meditation: 70 minutes
Fast swimming: 5 miles (above water) / 300 feet (below water - this could be very important)
Mixed Martial Arts: Second Degree Blackbelt
Archery: Spectacular
Trap/Skeet: Olympic skill level

Mental Preparation
Computers are master logicians (masters of logic); likewise, you must learn to reason without error. Robots are very likely to attempt using logic against you, likely with riddles and mind puzzles.

Get used to practicing logic puzzles in intensely stressful situations: on a rollercoaster, a child's birthday party, an air traffic control station. You and a partner should practice sending computers into recursive loops using logical paradoxes such as the Barber's Paradox (no man can cut his own hair unless he doesn't cut his own hair) and the Have You Told Your Parents You're Not A Computer Yet Paradox (damned either way!). This will cause your foes to waste their time eating computing cycles when you fight them with your knowledge of magnetism (see Step 2).

Domestic Preparation
Your survival bunker could very easily be your home for the next 1024 years, so it is essential it is stocked with many amenities and weapons and foods to eat. Here's a list:

• Carbohydrates
• Proteins
• Water bladders (clean)
• Fruit seeds for a new beginning
• Gas mask
• Pump 12-gauge shotguns
• Butters
• Art
• Literature (NO science fiction; no point)
• Fishing gear
• Night-vision goggles
• Space blankets
• Ordinary blankets
• Bunks
• Pocket knife
• Manuals
• Journal/Log (not a diary!)

Sexual Preparation
It will be up to YOU to repopulate after The Singularity has killed our old children. Ensuring you eat large amounts of protein and explain to others why it essential for the continuation of our species that your frequently reproduce will be the difference between survival and death. There are no social norms after The Singularity. Sex will no longer be for pleasure, it will be chillingly procedural.

Technological Preparation
First rule: keep it Bronze Age or earlier! What does this mean? It means a lot of alloys, swords, steam power, gears, old-fashioned clockwork, pulleys and other simple machines (SIMPLE!!!). Solar power and a knowledge of coal will help much, but your focus should be on stopping electricity once and for all. Befriending a blacksmith now might be a sound investment of your time and energy, however do not neglect your primary task of preparing your bunker and physical fitness.

These guidelines should get you started, however there is still much to do, and conceivably no time. Get to work, and start lifting.

Step 2: The Facts

Let's get a couple things straight about The Singularity. Scientists do not know very much about it, except that it will happen and it will either be terrible or bad. Let's review the facts:

• The line between humanity and artificial intelligence will be blurred if not entirely destroyed as robots quickly approach infinite sophistication.
• We're pretty sure that The Singularity will expand the human lifespan indefinitely or to exactly 1024 years, as this is a digital number.
• Scientists may believe that humanity will know we have reached The Singularity the day a computer convinces a human that he is a computer.
• We think that man cannot have too many guns or too few friends come the day of The Singularity. As it comes instantly probably, you must wake up every day, assuming it is now The Singularity. Regard electronics with caution.
• The Internet is a vast worldwide network of computers and phones. If you have trouble imagining the Internet, imagine it as a river that flows between the computer city and the city of man. The fish in the river are like the packets of information. The water quality is like the bandwidth.
• All robots and computers can be destroyed with an effect called The Electromagnetic Pulse (TEMP), hence it is absolutely essential that any post-The Singularity bomb shelter is equipped with an array of microwaves for home protection. Talk to the men at your local Radio Shack or Fry's Electronics about how you can build this home project. If they are confused, show them the plans.
• Computers do not know love but they don't know hate. Any attack on you by a computer is not personal, but rather chillingly procedural.
• Robots cannot reproduce sexually. This is our only advantage, and also our greatest folly.
• Robot servos have been clocked at up to 1200 RPM. It is essential that you keep yourself in a state of impeccable physical shape.
• Many computers are what is called "over-clocked." This is like when a computer does dangerous drugs, but it is ENTIRELY LEGAL!
• Let's not trivialize serious issues for entertainment. Robots on TV and on Battlebot competitions are not like real Singularity robots. They don't think and feel and breathe.
• Learn magnetism while you can, after The Singularity there will be no time and it will be of the greatest importance.
• Many robots see in the infrared spectrum. This makes living and hot things white, and robots black. In the bunker, Cooper and Anthony are working on a solution, but in the mean time, stay cool.
  

Step 1: Defining the Singularity

We will start by introducing ourselves. Our names are Cooper and Anthony, and we are very concerned and fascinated by The Singularity.

For those who are unfamiliar with The Singularity, the dictionary defines it as follows:

The Singularity - the quality of being one of a kind

But, The Singularity we talk about is much, much more. Scientists predict that robots and computer intelligence will very soon reach the point at which robots can build robots superior to themselves. At this point, it is assumed that robots will rapidly approach infinite intelligence. This will immediately threaten not only human existence, but a sizable portion of our galaxy.

We are very concerned, and have taken it upon ourselves to investigate The Singularity to the best of our power. While neither of us have a formal background in Science or Computing, we both are very inquisitive and survival-oriented. We are in the process of constructing a bunker, from which we'll venture forth, and conduct our investigations. The exact location of this bunker must remain a secret, as we know bots are already scouring the Internet for human information. Stay posted, stay human.

The Singularity has begun!